So here we are at 3 months or almost 13 weeks. I went back to work full-time when Lulu was four and a half weeks old. It wasn’t too hard going back to work because I love my job AND I knew that Lulu was doing well staying with family and friends three days a week. That said, I LOVE the days that I get to work from home and be with her. I also have cherished the few days off that I’ve had since then. Lulu has been a great laundry folding companion and dishwashing friend. Mostly, because she makes it impossible for me to do any of those things! We read books, visit friends, nap and lay around kicking our feet and looking at our hands.
I’ve loved being a mom so much so far. Sometimes my heart is so full of emotion that tears just spill out of my eyes. It’s like there’s no room left in my heart and so the tears are liquid emotion just pouring out of my heart by way of my eyes. I’ve also had tears of disbelief. Since day one I’ve struggled with the idea that there are children in the world who don’t have someone feeling the same amount of love towards them as I do towards Lulu. This makes me so sad.
These thoughts started a few days after my baby was born – locally we had several big headline stories about people killing or majorly injuring their own babies. Then I thought of the orphans in the world and I was just so sad. My days have been filled with tiny moments of prayer for those children. It feels so impossible that someday we as a world can repair these problems but in addition to my tiny prayers, I’ve also spent moments channeling some of my love towards children who are nameless and faceless to me. I know they’re out there and it just makes me so sad.
What continues to make me so sad is that when people like Queen Bee have failed opportunities to share their love beyond their current family structure.