Last night I had a hard time sleeping, so at 4am I went downstairs to sleep on the couch. This morning my husband, J woke up and I wasn’t in bed so he was confused. Later, he told me that when he heard the lawn mower start up he was thinking, “Wow, how nice! I can’t believe that Kat is actually mowing the lawn for the first time in her life!”
Ha, ha! Dream on! Never in my life have I ever mowed the lawn! Growing up we didn’t have a lawn and when we did, dad took care of it since I was mostly already out of the house. Where I lived later was very close to a church and someone from the church was always so kind to come over and mow my small yard (thanks again) and since getting married and moving here, J has always mowed. It’s his job.
Don’t get me wrong. As attractive as my neighbors look pushing that lawnmower back and forth, sweating to their iPods, running over Chihuahua poop, being careful to miss the tulip planters, there is just no way that I will EVER mow the lawn. I’ll push the mower out of the way in the garage to make sure my mini-SUV will fit, but that is the extent to which I will push a lawn mower. I imagine that if I ever were to mow the lawn, it would be à la Gabriel Solis in Desperate Housewives; wearing an evening gown with strappy high heeled shoes on, trying to cover up a secret from my husband.
So many people try to hide things from their spouses. I can’t think of a single secret that I’ve kept from J. If it’s something that I can’t tell him, then it’s wrong and I should stop is how I look at it. Sadly, during my few years here as an adult, I’ve learned that not everyone feels the same. I’m beginning to think that something is going on with two of my neighbors. One is married and the other divorced but they are hanging out with one another an awful lot. It seems that his wife is not really happy with the idea that he is BFF with the next door neighbor.
She zooms out of her driveway an awful lot, driving like a drunk Indy 500 driver. I’m thinking that one of these times she might kill one of the kids that skateboards in the street and leaves their ramps and rails out in the road at night. Maybe one day she will crush those ramps or rails, teaching several people a lesson: kids, do not leave your crap out in the middle of the street, almost causing a deadly accident everytime someone rounds the curve in our neighborhood and crazed, scorned women, please do not drive fanatically, almost causing another deadly accident. Although, it would be really cool if one day I could jump that ramp with my Saturn Vue. That would be Ah-mazing! YouTube, here I come! I know that insurance doesn’t cover PMS induced accidents but what about kind of accidently jumping skate ramps in the dark?